6 Mistakes Parents Make When Responding to their Children

Playing Purrfect Pursuit with your family can lead to wonderful moments of connection. The game's thought-provoking questions encourage children to express their thoughts, emotions, and experiences. However, the way parents respond to these answers can have a big impact on a child’s willingness to share information about themselves during the game and in other day to day situations. When parents react negatively, children may feel invalidated, lose trust, and ultimately stop sharing not just during the game, but in day to day life as well.

Here are six common mistakes parents make when responding to their child’s answers—and how to handle these moments with care and compassion:

 

1. Invalidation

Invalidation happens when you dismiss or minimize your child’s feelings. It can look like telling your child they are "overreacting," saying, "You shouldn't feel that way," or insisting, "There's no reason to be upset".

Bad Response:

Question: “Have you felt more sad or happy lately? Why?”

Answer: “More sad because...”

Parent Response: “Why are you feeling sad? You have nothing to feel sad about! Your life is good!”

Why It’s Harmful:

When you invalidate your child’s feelings, you are telling them that their feelings don't matter or aren't valid. This can lead to children suppressing their emotions as they feel like they cannot or should not express themselves, even in moments of distress and difficulty. When children experience invalidation, they may begin to question the validity of their own emotions which can cause confusion and inhibit emotional development.

Good Response:

Parent Response: “I’m sorry to hear you’ve been feeling sad. Is there anything I can do to help?”

Why It Works:

This response validates your child’s feelings by acknowledging them and offering support. Validation helps children feel heard, understood, and valued which encourages them to share more openly. It also strengthens the emotional bond between you and your child, and allows children to feel safe expressing difficult emotions in the future.

 

2. Getting Angry

Sometimes your child’s answer may surprise or upsets you and it is natural to feel strong emotions in these situations. However, if you respond with anger, you will likely only end up pushing your child away.

Bad Response:

Question: “Who do you not like spending time with recently? Why?”

Answer: “Dad. Because...”

Parent Response: “What, me? I work so hard for you! How could you say this?”

Why It’s Harmful:

Responding with anger immediately shifts the topic of the conversation from the child’s feelings to your (the parent’s) emotions. This can make your child feel guilty or misunderstood for expressing themselves. Responding with anger can also make your child regret opening up and may prevent them from sharing things with you in the future. Lastly, anger creates a hostile environment making it difficult for healthy communication.

Good Response:

Parent Response: “That makes me sad to hear, but I appreciate you telling me. What can I do to help us spend better time together?”

Why It Works:

Acknowledging your child's feelings without reacting emotionally gives space for honest communication. By calmly addressing the issue, you as the parent show that you are willing to listen and improve the relationship. This response also promotes problem-solving and builds trust, as your child will feel like their concerns are being taken seriously.

 

3. Being Silent or Ignoring

Sometimes, parents don’t know how to respond and say nothing. However, silence can be as damaging as negative comments.

Bad Response:

Question: “How do you feel when you see mum and dad argue?”

Answer: “I feel sad and scared.”

Parent Response: *Silence*

Why It’s Harmful:

When you remain silent it can be interpreted as indifference or avoidance, and this signals to your child that their emotions are not important. This can lead to feelings of isolation which may cause your child to internalize their emotions, believing they should keep their feelings to themselves. Over time, this erodes trust and open communication within the family.

Good Response:

Parent Response: “Thank you for sharing your feelings.”

Why It Works:

Even a simple acknowledgment can validate your child’s emotions and shows that you are present and willing to listen. It opens the door for further and deeper conversations, helps your child feel safe to share more, and strengthens emotional bonds within the family.

 

4. Criticizing the Child

Criticizing your child for struggling with something can make them feel inadequate. Criticism can involve making negative comments about their effort, belittling their struggles, or pointing out their weaknesses instead of recognizing their attempts.

Bad Response:

Question: “What is something you struggled with recently?”

Answer: “I struggled with ordering food by myself.”

Parent Response: “Really? You couldn’t do that? How will you handle harder things in the future then?”

Why It’s Harmful:

Criticism, especially when your child is being vulnerable, can diminish their self-confidence. When children are belittled for struggling, they may become afraid to try new things or share their challenges in the future. It reinforces the belief that their efforts are never good enough and can affect their self-esteem and willingness to take risks.

Good Response:

Parent Response: “I can see that was tough for you. Good job for trying, even when it was hard.”

Why It Works:

It is important to praise the effort, rather than focusing on the outcome. This helps children develop a growth mindset. They learn that it's okay to struggle and that trying is more important than succeeding every time which helps them build resilience and encourages them to face future challenges with confidence.

 

5. Being Defensive

It’s easy to become defensive when children share something they’d like to change about you or say something you disagree with. Defensiveness can take the form of making excuses, shifting the blame onto the child, or minimizing their feelings. It might involve justifying your actions by saying, "I only do that because you don’t listen," or downplaying their experience by responding with, "It's not that big of a deal."  But defensiveness can block healthy communication.

Bad Response:

Question: “If you could change one thing about each of your parents, what would it be?”

Answer: “For my mum to shout less.”

Parent Response: “Shout less? Maybe if you behaved, I wouldn’t have to shout!”

Why It’s Harmful:

Defensiveness shifts the blame onto your child, making them feel responsible for your actions. This kind of response can shut down communication, making your child feel like their opinions or feelings are wrong. Over time, this can create resentment and emotional distance between you and your child.

Good Response:

• Parent Response: “Thank you for telling me. I’ll try my best to work on that.”

Why It Works:

By accepting feedback without becoming defensive, parents model how to accept criticisms with humility and openness. This encourages mutual respect and helps children feel that their opinions are valued and sets a good example for your child on how to manage similar situations in everyday life.

 

6. Comparing the Child to Others

Comparison can make children feel inadequate or that they need to meet unrealistic expectations.

Bad Response:

Question: “What do you wish you had more time for?”

Answer: “I want more time to play computer games.”

Parent Response: “Games? Look at your classmate, Freddy! He doesn’t play games and his grades are much better than yours!”

Why It’s Harmful:

Comparing children to others can make them feel like they’re not good enough or that their unique attributes are unappreciated. It creates a sense of competition and insecurity, and can damage your child’s self-worth and self-esteem. Gradually, this can lead to low self-esteem and a strained parent-child relationship.

Good Response:

Parent Response: “Thank you for sharing. How about if you finish your work early, you can play as a reward.”

Why It Works:

Offering a constructive solution shows that you’ve heard your child without placing any judgment on them. By tying gaming to a reward, you create a balanced approach that allows your child to enjoy their interests while meeting responsibilities. This helps build trust and reinforces positive behaviors without shaming.

 

The Importance of Safe Communication

Purrfect Pursuit provides an opportunity for families to communicate about important life topics openly. However it is important to highlight the importance of creating a safe space where children feel valued and understood. Responding with understanding, empathy, and encouragement ensures that your child will feel comfortable sharing not just during the game, but also in everyday situations.

Building trust and fostering introspection and optimal development are key goals of Purrfect Pursuit. Let your responses be a bridge to deeper connection and understanding, setting the foundation for open communication that lasts well beyond game night.

By playing Purrfect Pursuit thoughtfully, you are not only collecting treasure in the game but also creating emotional treasures in your family life.